


The First Steps

by Fabrisse



Series: Key [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-07
Updated: 2012-10-07
Packaged: 2017-11-15 19:11:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/530723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fabrisse/pseuds/Fabrisse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events in 4-4, Blaine comes back to New York, and they talk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The First Steps

Three days after he sent the flowers, Blaine got a text from Kurt at the beginning of his lunch hour.

“Will I still see you Columbus Day weekend?” Blaine stared at it for a moment and a second text appeared. “Did you talk to your folks? Can you stay the whole break week?”

Blaine immediately dumped his lunch in the garbage and ran to the library for a computer. He checked how much it would cost to change his plane reservation to the whole week and paid it without blinking. 

Then he texted back: “Didn’t talk to my parents. I’m staying the whole week.”

He looked at it before he sent it and added. “I love you.”

***  
The day he flew into LaGuardia, Blaine got another text. “I have a meeting, but Isabelle says you can wait in her office.” A moment later the address for vogue.com came up and a note saying, “Just show your ID at the front desk. They’re expecting you.” Immediately on its heels came, “Can’t wait to see you.”

Blaine got to the Conde Nast building pretty quickly, and his name was on the security list. He pulled out his Kindle and tried to read his assignment for English class. There was a book report due right after fall break, but he was so nervous about seeing Kurt again that all his report would say was “there were words on a page.”

He thumbed through travel and fashion magazines, noting trends he could adopt, wondering which ones Kurt would use to make himself look fabulous. When the door opened, he jumped out of his chair. 

Isabelle Wright stood in front of him. “Another Ohio boy with good taste. Your flowers were gorgeous. Kurt will be here in a few minutes. I sent him to do some photocopying because I wanted to get to know you.”

“Um…”

“Kurt loves you enough that you can hurt him.” She peered closely at him. “You are Blaine, right? I’m not just talking to a new designer that I forgot had an appointment?”

“Yes, I’m Blaine. Yes, I hurt Kurt.” He’d never said it that baldly to himself before. “I thought he never wanted to see me again, and then he asked if I was still coming and I don’t know what’s going on.”

Isabelle put a hand on his shoulder. “Kurt’s very mature in ways that I wasn’t when I was his age. He knows that love is rare and precious.”

“So do I,” Blaine said.

There was a wry smile from Isabelle. She said, “I hope you do. The building is closed for Columbus Day and I gave him a half day next Friday. With luck, that might even stick. I’ll try not to keep him late any night this week, but that’s an illusion, and you should know that right now. On the plus side, I’ll wink at his coming in a few minutes late while you’re here. This time, so don’t think you can make it a habit every time you visit him. Got that?”

Blaine swallowed. “I think so? Most of it anyway.”

“You get used to her.” Kurt was standing in the doorway with two freshly bound presentations. “Just you and Anna needed these, right?”

“Actually, my meeting with Anna isn’t until Wednesday. Take a copy home and we’ll review it first thing on Tuesday. I’ll probably need nine final copies for the meeting.” Isabelle grinned at Kurt. “Now take your cute boyfriend home to Albany or wherever your far distant apartment is and enjoy your long weekend.”

Blaine was amazed to see a genuine smile from Kurt. 

“Thank you. And you’re not allowed to work more than ten hours a day this weekend. I’ll be able to tell on Tuesday if you haven’t gotten any rest.” He picked up the heavier of Blaine’s bags.

Blaine extended his hand. “It was so nice to meet you.” As he left the office, Isabelle could hear him saying, “Kurt, let me carry that.”

***  
They didn’t talk much on the train ride. The J train was crowded, and Kurt showed Blaine how to protect his bags from theft while standing politely.

When they finally got to the door of the apartment, Kurt reached out and cupped Blaine’s chin. “I’m glad you’re here.”

Blaine couldn’t find any words, so he turned his head and kissed Kurt’s palm. 

Kurt smiled shyly and then opened the door. He took Blaine’s bag right into his bedroom and said, “This is your room while you’re here.” He took a deep breath. “I may sleep on the sofa tonight.”

“I don’t want to put you out. I’ll sleep on the couch or wherever. I can find a hotel, or...”

“Blaine, I want you here. But we need to talk, and I need not to be distracted until we’ve talked. So. I’ll sleep on the sofa or with Rachel – if that’s all right with you – until after we’ve had that chance.”

Blaine nodded. “I understand.”

“Rachel’s rehearsing with some friends from school tonight. We have the apartment to ourselves until ten or so. I thought I’d cook for us. Talk, maybe?”

“What can I do to help?”

Kurt rested a hand on his shoulder. “Right now, nothing but keep me company. But once I’ve started the chicken, you can come help me pick out vegetables at the grocer and be my scullery maid when we get back.”

“Sounds great.”  
***  
They got back to the apartment with bags filled with vegetables and mushrooms. Blaine had seen an apricot tart at a local bakery and picked it up along with a few flowers for the table. Mostly, he’d just been there to discuss the merits of roasted root vegetables versus wild rice to go with the chicken. 

Kurt stopped him at the door. “I didn’t do this right before.” He put down a bag and fumbled in his satchel for something. He finally pulled out a key. The keyring said “Blaine.” Kurt handed it to Blaine and said, “Rachel and I discussed it. This is yours. You can come whenever you like. Welcome home.”

Blaine looked at him and then put the key in the door to open it for them both. “I don’t understand.”

Kurt walked briskly to the kitchen area. “Whether or not you’re my… my lover, you’re my friend. You’re Rachel’s friend. You have a key because as far as we’re concerned you’re part of the family.”

“Oh.” He stared at the key. “Am I forgiven?”

“Oh, honey,” Kurt said. “I don’t know yet. Mostly. Maybe after we talk more.” He started unpacking the bags. “Scrub and peel three parsnips, three carrots, and the four smallest beets for me, okay?”

Blaine nodded and did as he was asked.

Kurt put the flowers in water, poured out some fresh cider to make a glaze for the vegetables, and basted the chicken. He said, “The way I see this… tonight, I’m going to tell you how I’m feeling and ask you questions and maybe fight with you. Tomorrow, you’re going to tell me what you’re feeling, ask me questions, and maybe fight some more. And on Sunday, we figure out where we’re going with our relationship. But first dinner.”

Blaine said, “All right. I don’t like the fighting option, but I understand we may need it. I’d rather you started asking me questions now because I don’t think I can eat with this hanging over me. And what did you want me to do with the vegetables?” 

“Hand them over,” Kurt began to cut them into large chunks. “How about cleaning the salad and making a vinaigrette? Then we can sit and start to talk.”

Fifteen minutes later, Blaine was sipping sparkling cider from a flute glass and sitting on the sofa looking at Kurt.

The silence stretched taut between them, and Blaine said, “I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

Kurt sighed. “I need to know what ‘hook-up’ means.”

Blaine hung his head. “There was a guy at the Lima Bean. We shared a table when it was crowded and got to talking. Freshman at OSU Lima. When we exchanged numbers, I wasn’t sure if he was gay. Half an hour later, he sent me a text message that made it clear he was.”

“Flirtatious?”

“Explicit.”

“Jesus, Blaine.”

“I didn’t answer. Not then. He sent a few more, and you just didn’t have time for me. So I answered. Like with you and Chandler.”

Kurt put down his cider. “So this is one of the fights I scheduled. No. There are things about this that you can put on me – beginning with my not communicating clearly what starting my internship meant in terms of time. I didn’t know it would be as time consuming as it is, but I should have asked if we could schedule fewer check-ins at better times where we could have real conversations. That’s on me. But you don’t get to compare this to Chandler, where the most we did was exchange mildly flirtatious texts – and I still think you not saying no to Sebastian was worse. Do you want that fight too?”

Blaine looked like he was trying to burrow between the seat cushions.

Kurt softened. “I shouldn’t have brought up Sebastian. That’s in the past, and it’s not fair.”

Blaine said, “Not fair for me either – about Chandler.”

“I needed you. I knew I’d miss you. I knew I’d want you.” He smiled faintly. “I always do. Somehow I wasn’t prepared to _need_ like a gaping wound.”

Kurt rested his hand on Blaine’s knee. “Me, too. All of this is exciting – even if it’s not quite what I thought I’d have in New York – but one of the reasons I’m so involved with my job is because it’s big enough and new enough to distract me from the ache of not seeing you.”

“You’d hung up. Then you hadn’t picked up. Then I got a text, but it wasn’t from you and he called me sexy.”

“You are, Blaine Warbler, so, so sexy.”

“There’s a coffee house on the OSU Lima campus. We met there and when he asked if I wanted to see his room, I said yes. We barely got through the door before he’d pinned me against the wall.” Blaine shook his head. “I didn’t let him kiss me. I treated him kind of badly.”

“I have to admit, that’s not really at the top of my mind. He went after someone in a relationship.” Kurt thought for a minute and said, “I assume you told him?”

“Yes. Yes, I did. That day when we met for coffee.”

“And he still pinned you against a wall?”

“When I wouldn’t kiss him… Look we were pressed together. You know what it’s like. He asked before he unbuttoned my jeans, and I said yes. It felt really good to be touched and really wrong that it wasn’t you. After I … came, I didn’t even bother to ask. I just put my hands down his pants and jerked him off as quickly as I could. And then he couldn’t look at me. I did that because I thought … I don’t know, maybe we’d hold each other afterwards. Damn, that sounds stupid. I never knew an orgasm could feel _bad_.” Blaine said, “I left right afterward. He texted me later, and I said I’d made a mistake and not to contact me again. He’s respected that.”

“Good. That he hasn’t stalked you or anything.” Kurt’s phone buzzed, and he checked the text before sending something back. “Rachel just let me know that she’d be staying at a friend’s tonight, so I can have her bed if I need it.”

He was about to say something more when the timer went off. “Thigh and leg pieces okay? I’ll use the white meat in the soup I’m planning to make tomorrow.”

“Sounds great.”

“Look at me, Blaine. I’m angry. You cheated. But I forgave you when I texted you to come visit. And I’m a little relieved. I’d been imagining worse. Let’s eat.”

“I’ll set the table and pour some more cider.”

***  
Dinner started with each of them lost in their own thoughts. Finally, Kurt said, “I won’t let you hurt me again, and I need to trust my lover. But I also recognize that this isn’t just about us. So. How do you feel about seeing a counselor?”

“Together?”

Kurt chewed thoughtfully for a minute or two. “I don’t have health insurance at the moment, and I don’t have a lot of disposable income. I might be able to find a counseling service that would take me because I do have some things to work on – including some major jealousy issues, apparently.

“But, however bad things got, my mother loved me. Right up to the moment she died, I never doubted it. And Dad – I was so scared to come out to him – but that was me, not him. He’s been such a good man and loved me so much, and somewhere in the last ten days, it hit me that you’ve never had that. When I’m not there, you don’t know how to trust that I love you because your parents never gave you that support. I thought if you saw someone, it would help. And when I’m visiting, I could come, too. Or if I find a free service here, you could come with me when you’re home.”

Blaine stared at him. “You really think of this as home to both of us, don’t you.”

“Yes. Rachel is hurting because of Finn. She wanted him to share this as home, too. She’s unhappy, but landing on her feet because this is where she needs to be. And you and Dad were right. This is where I need to be, but I want it to be with you.”

“I want that, too. I saw a psychiatrist for awhile after the Sadie Hawkins thing. Maybe I could start seeing her again.” His voice sounded empty.

“Blaine. I was serious when I said I imagined worse. I thought you’d… I love all of you, but the way you taste, it drives me wild. I don’t want anyone else to know that.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know. Dad told me in that embarrassing talk where he gave me those pamphlets, that I matter. He was right. I matter enough not to have a boyfriend who cheats. I matter enough not to have to worry that leaving you alone for a week or two means you’ll feel justified in turning to someone else. But you matter, too. And you need touch in a way that I never did before I met you.”

Kurt covered Blaine’s hand. “If you promise to see a counselor, and talk to me – I don’t know, maybe we can have a word we text when you really need to talk right now no matter what or something. Then, I can live with our having an agreement. Handjobs. If you need to be touched, then go out to Scandals and exchange handjobs. I don’t like it, and never put me in the same room with one of your hook-ups without warning me, but I don’t want you to have no release for your loneliness.”

Blaine squeezed his hand. “No. I thought you were cheating when you were just getting _compliments_ from someone else. I can’t say it’s wrong for you, and then go out and get off with random people. The thing I learned from it is that I don’t want anyone else. I used someone else, and I hurt you – and neither of those things makes me feel like a good person right now – but I did learn something. You’re unique, Kurt Hummel, and everything about you is why I love you.”

They were both crying.

“We can cuddle on the sofa after dinner,” Kurt said. “I think I’ll still want to sleep alone tonight, but I want to hold you.” He began eating again. “By the way, Dad wants you to know that you’re expected to show up for Friday night dinners with him and Carole and Sam – hell, Finn’s there too – until after the election. Once he’s back in DC, the dinner will probably only be once a month.”

“Your Dad wants me to come to dinner without you?”

“Carole does, too. You need a family, and my leaving shouldn’t have taken it away. I’m sorry about that.”

Blaine leaned over and kissed his hand. “I don’t deserve you.”

“You don’t. But, remember two things. I don’t deserve you either. You’re way too good for me, and way too good to me, as well. And remember that I love you. We’ll heal. It’s going to be tough. I don’t get to come to Lima for Thanksgiving. Low man on the totem pole works the Friday after Thanksgiving. I won’t get break time at Christmas either. I hope you’ll come here for one or both of them. Rachel’s inviting Hiram and Leroy up for Thanksgiving and I thought I’d ask Dad and Carole to come up for either Christmas or New Year’s since Rachel will be on her winter break then.”

“We’re okay?”

Kurt nodded. “Just okay. But we’ll find something new and wonderful to do tomorrow, and something else for Sunday and Monday and we’ll be back to who we were, with a little more understanding between us.” Kurt swallowed and said, “We wouldn’t have been if you hadn’t come and told me right away. And I’m really sorry that I didn’t listen to you then, that I made you hurt more because coming and telling me was really brave.”

Blaine smiled. “Show me where the ziplocs are, and I’ll put away the leftovers.”

“I’ll make tea. Chamomile, peppermint, or regular?”

“Do you have decaf regular? I think it would taste best with the tart.”

Kurt smiled back at him. “How about decaf coffee, then?”

Blaine nodded, and their fingers twined as each of them carried his own plate to the kitchen.


End file.
